Escape to Life – The Authors' Journey

I cought myself thinking today that the only way to move forward in life is to let go. Let go of all the bad memories, to let go of all the dreams that never came true, to let go of all the people that chose anything else over us.

Is it easy? Certainly not. And of course there are days when one sits there without the ability to prevent oneself from remembering everything that happened, or from having a justified fear of the past repeating itself.

Recovering from a terrible experience, an abusive relationship or the end of a marriage or the death of loved ones, doesn’t happen in a direct linear way. It’s easy to read the advice in Instagram or to hear it from friends and family, it’s a different thing when one experiences it personally. And yes, I can say it from my own experience, it is true.

One day one feels on top of the world, enjoying the new found but maybe originally unwanted freedom, thinking that one can take over the world. The next day feeling completely empty of energy or strength.

But I am happy to tell you that those days become less and less as time goes by. What starts as the worst nightmare slowly but surely looses it’s sting and one grows stronger, wiser, intentional about building a new life.

I remember standing in the supermarket staring at the food isles, not knowing what to buy because I always went shopping for “us” but mostly for the other person, because I wanted the other person to be happy. Sometimes I found myself back at home having done a shopping that was more for the past than my situation at the time.

Believe it or not supermarket isles can be the place where one fights the hardest battles. Where one is confronted with the new reality outside the safety of home. At home one fights those battles privately but in the supermarket it is different. Coming across someone one knows, or an old friend, and then the questions start and the whole array of feelings come up again.

In my case, I have always been a very private person and it was very hard for me to admit or speak about the abuse that I lived through and survived. But now I realise that I am not doing myself any favours instead I was covering a shame that didn’t belong to me but to the abuser.

There is no excuse for any form of abuse. There is no excuse for physical, emotional or mental abuse of women and children. The abuser tries to justify the behaviour by blaming the victim. Do not take that blame on you. Abuse is never justifiable.

As for me… well, it has taken me several years to get to where I am now. Today I can stand and say with a clear mind that what happened to me had no justification, no excuse, no right to have happened.

I survived an abusive relationship. I am a survivor. And I thank God for taking me out of that situation when I couldn’t yet see the truth of what was being done to me.

I am grateful for my friends and neighbours who supported me and helped me through the toughest times. The ones who believed in me and my ability to survive that what many don’t.

If you are living in an abusive relationship find help. Keep a record of what is happening and seek help sooner rather than later. Not everyone is going to believe you, not everyone is going to be willing to help but there are organisations out there that are able to help.

Until next time, stay safe.

Beatriz

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